We come to praise Cesar, is that him over there?

So the charming Mexican gentleman is coming! At last the saviour is here! Just spend sixty odd quid (or about a hundred for the "special show") and all your dog woes will be solved overnight. "It must work 'cos he's Cesar Millan, he's on the telly!"

The one thing that isn't spent on dogs these days would seem to be time. You don't build a mutually respectful relationship by going to the O2 to see some bloke in the distance sounding like an aerosol.

It takes time and application. It takes a leadership that your dog respects and understands is for the sole purpose of his continued survival. In short, don't whisper, they're too stressed to hear, just listen and respond in a way that they understand and respect. Jan Fennell's "techniques" aren't hers, they're the dogs own - they have a language that's served them well for thousands of years. Jan just listened to that and cleverly devised ways we could respond that the dogs would understand and would reassure them. Take a little time, five quid or so for "The Dog Listener" - or get it from the library and let the O2 stick to good old showbiz.

Gloom at either end of the lead

It never fails to surprise me that people take their dogs out in all weathers and at all times of the day and night. There are many theories about why we lead walk dogs. The one that seems to be logical is that before the war dogs were allowed to roam pretty much unchecked. They didn't normally go too far, possibly because the humans gave them the appropriate signals confirming that they were pack members so they wouldn't stray away from their security. Unfortunately, during and after the war there was the hazard of unexploded ordnance. Dogs are inquisitive, a bomb site would no doubt be a cloud of interesting smells warranting investigation, they would step on something and WOOF! So they had to be kept in check with a bit of string.

The trouble is that these days a dog is taken out whether it wants to go or not. A calm, chilled out dog will sleep most of the day, most don't need strenuous exercise and most only need to empty a couple of times in 24 hours. So it's barmy that, when it's really rubbish weather, when at either end of the lead there's an animal that would rather be comfortable indoors, in the gloom of winter shadowy figures plod around the streets.

I'd rather stay in and play.